Two Books? Again?

I've been trying to figure out some of the root reasons why I can't seem to eek out more than a few pages at a time. Yes, it's been a heck of a winter, but I can't help but feel like I should be a bit more fired up - or at least enjoying myself more when I write. Instead, I've been riddled with doubt and angst. Which may be completely normal, but I'm not going to lie, these feelings are not my favorite.

I sat down yesterday morning to do my Morning Pages (something of which I have been incredibly sporadic with) and posed the question: why am I not having fun anymore? And really, it came down to the question of when was the last time I had fun, period? I've had happy times for sure, don't get me wrong, but I had to think about the fun part. It's a depressing thing when you realize (again) how much of a fuddy-duddy adult you've become. I need to learn how to play more. Stinkin' responsibilities making me old ....

Anyway, some good came out of the session. I think part of my angst about laboring out each page is that I have so much to say for this section of the story that I've been feeling conflicted about how I was going to handle it. There is so much to explain, situations that need to be brought up. I was worried as the page numbers and word count was starting to increase and barely a foundation was being created for this part that I was going to do one of two things: either rush it to a close by not including what I felt needed to be included or have one massive manuscript that I would have to take a machete to later. It dawned on me yet again that it's possible I have two books on my hands. Yeah, again.

Suddenly, I'm excited. My perspective about what I'm doing has taken a hard right and I feel like I'm back on track. I've compiled my manuscript up to the point where I would cut it off for the first book and pulled it out to PDF form. It weighs in at about 60,600 words as is, which is fairly slight for a novel. My plan now is to print that baby up (hello Kinkos!) and sit down with it, pen and notepad at the ready. I need to see what I have, where it makes sense and where it can be strengthened. I really feel that if that first part isn't full of fluff and the components that are there are necessary, it would be best to separate it and treat the second half with the respect that story line deserves.

So, adding pages is officially on hold while I edit the first half. This isn't a tedious spell check/grammar edit, but a broad-sweeping brush edit. And now, I'm excited again. Hallelujah!