Well, it has been a while hasn't it? Admittedly, I've been wallowing in a world of spreadsheets and deadlines, in latent grief and general gloom. Some may say that the grief and the gloom is the place where writers live, though for me, this is not the case. I don't find gloom inspiring, it's that damn heavy blanket. Well guess what? It's time to get out of bed, so to speak.
This last week I've been on vacation. I'd planned it this way, scheduled it because I knew that after the many large deadlines I had I would be a crispy mess and would need some time away from customers and the daily fire drills of my job. I was right, the week was much needed. And as it turns out, quite thematic. It began with a college campus visit for my son and ended with the graduation of one of my daughters from college (followed, of course, by the consumption of the world's best chocolate cake). I'm the first to admit that I geek out about education, probably because I've never finished my own. I love the pursuit of learning and following ones dream. To me, it's the most amazing gift you can give yourself.
I was reflecting on all of this over my morning coffee and morning pages. I remember leaning over to another one of my sons yesterday who was getting fairly impatient with the 1,000 plus names that were being called during commencement. I told him that every one of these kids worked very hard to be there, didn't give up and kept going even when they were tired and frustrated. That they deserved our support and attention, as this is a huge undertaking. I reminded him that this is going to be him someday. He may have heard me, it may have went in one ear and out the other, I don't know. But it rang in my own ears, mingling with the many inspiring speeches I heard over the weekend.
While going back to school is not something I want to do right now, I can't help but draw parallels to what I'm going through in writing this novel. Yes, this is a big undertaking, and one that I have yet to complete - ever. It's a big, important dream of mine. There were several times that I didn't feel that there was any way I could write this story again, only to pick myself up and try one more time. I've cried, I've fist pumped the air when I nailed something, I've stressed over not knowing how to proceed and doubted my abilities. I've wondered if all the work would be for nothing, if I was worthy of the task. I've had moments where I was "in the pocket" and didn't have a shred of doubt that I was doing the absolute right thing. Sound familiar to anyone?
So, like I said before, it's time to get out of bed once again. To get dressed and go to class - or rather sit with my story and march it forward. Time to take each step in the journey. Every word written, every word revised, every idea that comes to me while washing my hair or chopping vegetables for dinner is a step toward commencement for me - the completion of a novel, the contribution of story, which I treasure in it's many forms.
I'm thinking now of one of the young men that was on the college tour with my son and I. He asked me if I was applying. I laughed and said no, that I was there to bring my son. He told me it was never too late. Of course it's not too late, but now is not my time. I'm revising that thought. My time is now. My time to keep going instead of giving up. I'm not working for a diploma, I'm working for the chance to type "the end".
And yes, when that happens, there will be cake!
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