The "Morning Pages" is another tool out of Julia Cameron toolbox, which is in it's bare bones and surface glance, writing three to four pages of whatever comes to mind first thing in the morning. The task is to write it out, not type, a stream of conscious brain/heart download in order to reveal things that are keeping you stuck in whatever mindset that prohibits you from moving toward the things you really are and love.
When I first read about this task, I was a little afraid. I had journaled before. When I was in my early thirties, I was going through a huge identity crisis. Over the prior ten years or so, I had managed to completely lose and bury who I was at my core and when I had finally come to realize that, my life felt like a complete disturbing mess. I was depressed and searched for various ways to deal with it when I finally decided to journal (Thank you to the movie "Girl Interrupted" where the main character deals with her issues through journaling. It was a good idea!). So, I would spend hours and hours writing, dumping, crying and complaining in my Composition books. It was a dark time, no doubt. So, the thought of journaling again activated some cell memories that I must be depressed. Except I wasn't.
I had to rethink how I felt about Morning Pages and use it to connect to myself and not as a channel to complain. What I found and experienced was tremendous from the get-go. I've figured out quite a few things that were blocking me, reasons that were valid and dumb reasons that I had assigned. It's helped me to take responsibility for what I do and who I am, which is pretty dang huge.
So, every morning, I get up at 5:15 am and hop in the shower, doing the bare minimum to get ready for work. About a half hour later, I sneak downstairs, turn on a couple lights and sit in my corner office to say hello to my Morning Pages. At first I usually whine a little, say that I have nothing really on my mind. Pick at my cuticles, stare around the living room and wish I didn't have some terrible but catchy song running through my head. And then it happens. Some internal door opens and a conversation starts. Sometimes it's philosophical (Does God ever get disappointed when he tells me to do something and I don't listen? Does he ever regret Free Will? Hey, wait a minute. It's a lot like when I get frustrated when I give my kids super great advice and they don't listen. They have free will. Does that mean I have a God complex? No, but it helps me to love and accept my children's decisions that much more). Sometimes it's revealing (Hey, you know how you always blamed your Ex on the fact that you can't do creative things because he'd get mad and say you were taking time away from the family. Guess what, that's crap. You would quit doing creative things because you were afraid you simply weren't good enough to make a living at it and fear of failure is way more powerful than someone else's idea of what you're doing. Crap. That one's on me). And sometimes it's bits and pieces of what I'm working on.
That's what's happening this week in my Morning Pages. I whine for a bit, then say I have nothing to say, then all of a sudden an expanded premise to my novel pops in my mind and there I am, working on my novel. This morning I ran out of things to say, looked up and saw my main character, plain as day. There she was, Jenna. I could see her as if she was standing beside me: every feature, her mannerisms, her fears and insecurities. Then her sister showed up. She didn't tell me her name, but gave me a lot of great information.
So, was it wrong to mull-task in my Morning Pages? Here's the thing. Most people that knows me understands that I am not religious. At all. However, those who know me well understand that I am very spiritual. I don't adopt other's views of God, the Creator, and how or who he is. I have and believe in my own connection with him. It's personal and I value it greatly. I understand that when I'm trying to connect with myself, I'm really trying to connect with Him. And I also believe he gives me exactly what I need, even if I don't really like it. Hopefully I listen. I don't always. Dang that free will. Anyway, I have to believe that while I'm sitting at in my Corner Office at the crack of dark, he's giving me exactly what I need as long as I am open to it. So, if I need some philosophical advise, a brick to the head or insight into my project, who am I to turn that away??
Also, this process takes about an hour and I find that the house starts waking up and multiple bodies start roaming around at about the top of page three. Which is usually a very critical point in the process. When focusing and connecting start to become muddy, and my husband Marc has left our bedroom and come downstairs, I then relocate to my Second Floor Office. And shut the door. This office is somewhat tainted by the fact that I've done my day job there at night when there wasn't enough time in the day to get the job done. However, it's a good place to finish up my morning connection.
Ok, it's crazy late and have to get to my Day Job. Have a good one!
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